There will be no nursing home in my future!
When I get old and feeble, I'm going to get on a cruise ship and cruise for the rest of my days! The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day but I've checked on reservations at most cruise lines and you can get long term discounts and senior discount prices of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for...
1. Gratuities, which will only be $10 per day. And the rest can be put into the slot machines.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant or I'll have room service (which means breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. There are as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and fabulous Broadway shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste, razors and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat me like a customer - not a patient. If I'm lucky, my casino winnings will have the entire staff scrambling to help me!
6. I'll get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for any inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you'll barely get by on Medicare; if I fall and break a hip on a cruise ship they will upgrade me to a suite for the rest of my life just to prevent a law suit.
Now hold on for the best!
10. Do I want to see South America, The Panama Canal, Alaska, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia? I'll just name where I want to go! My cruise line will have a ship ready to go.
"Don't look for me in a nursing home,
just call my favorite cruise ship and ask for the retired Party Pirate!"
P.S.- And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side... no charge!